Please indulge me as I detour from my normal business blogs to speak from my heart.
This morning as I was praying for my friend Becky and her daughter Marissa I started reflecting on their loss and the lessons that have been revealed to me through the death of their beloved husband and father, John. Today Becky and Marissa will be embarking on what I can only imagine will be one of the hardest journeys of their life. John was working in the Virgin Islands when he passed a couple of weeks ago and today, they will be headed there to collect his belongings and close his temporary home on the island.
It all started on a Saturday afternoon. After a full day of getting things done, I sat down to relax. For some reason I checked my email, which I normally wouldn’t do on a Saturday afternoon. There was an ominous email from a friend asking me to call her because John had died. Not wanting to believe this and recently having had my account hacked, I really wanted to believe it was a hoax. I reached out and connected with this friend. She was on her way to pick up our friend so they could take her to her daughter. I was asked to let our mutual group of friends know what had happened.
Becky and I met in a Moms group sponsored by our church probably close to 27 years ago. There was a core group of us that became fast friends and spent so much time together raising our families. There are 9 of us who regularly get together now even though many no longer remain in Pittsburgh. We have shared every facet of our lives with each other over the years.
As I made these phone calls, the first lesson struck me. We regularly communicate through Facebook messenger as a group. However, when my friends saw my phone number pop up on their phones they were immediately alarmed. Lesson 1 – do a better job of staying truly connected with those you love!
Although I was spreading the news as requested, in the back of my mind I just couldn’t believe that it was accurate. On Sunday morning, my sister-in-law sent me a text saying they announced John’s death in church, and she was shocked. That is when I realized that this was actually true.
It took about a week and a half for his body to be returned to Pittsburgh which I know had to be excruciating for his wife and daughter. During this period, I was full of questions. How could this have happened to John? Why is it taking so long to get him here? All the questions led me to the next lesson. Lesson 2 – all things happen in God’s time for reasons we may never know.
When I found out that John’s cause of death was a pulmonary embolism, I really started to question everything. You see, 10 years ago I survived a pulmonary embolism. As I started to wonder why I would survive such a thing, I learned my next lesson. Lesson 3 – you have something that still needs to be completed.
I’m not exactly sure what that thing is, but I have been on a year of self-discovery and things are starting to appear to me. I need to show up and make a difference in my world for others.
Over the past several years I have been struggling with my faith. Due to a divorce, everything started changing in my faith and with the people who were part of that faith journey as often happens in a divorce. I felt it might be time to leave that church, but I clung to the memories of the past 20+years I had there. When I started to look for a new church, I just couldn’t commit to a new faith family and therefore, I haven’t been attending any church. After listening to the message at John’s funeral, I received the next lesson. Lesson 4 – now is the time to find your new church home and get back on track with your faith journey.
My friend John was a giver. He volunteered his skills and knowledge to make a difference in this world. His latest endeavor was to help a church in St. Johns build a chapel. Donations were requested for the fundraising of this chapel in lieu of flowers. I can just see the big mustached smile on his face knowing that wish will be honored by so many. Realizing how much John did in a normally unassuming role led me to the next lesson. Lesson 5 – do what you can with what you have to make a difference for others.
I’m still working through these lessons. I am not exactly sure where they will lead me. But, if you are blessed by anything I do in the future, thank John. A man I have known for so many years has made a tremendous impact at this time in my life. For that, I will be forever grateful.
I hope this brings some comfort during such a difficult time. I continue to pray for my friend Becky and her daughter, Marissa and I hope you will join me. Rest in Peace my friend, thanks for your friendship and the lessons.
If you are interested in donating in John’s memory, donations are being accepted by Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church for the “Coral Bay Chapel” at P.O. Box 241, St. John U.S. Virgin Islands 00831-0241.
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